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    <updated>2008-05-01T06:24:27Z</updated>

    <author>
        <name>Black Rose</name>
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    <entry>
        <title>The Compact</title>
    
    
    
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                <id>tag:vox.com,2008-05-01:asset-6a00cd96fe57874cd500e398f54e510005</id>
        <published>2008-05-01T06:23:30Z</published>
        <updated>2008-05-01T06:24:27Z</updated>
    
        <author>
            <name>Black Rose</name>
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            <p>Ok, I&#39;ve come across this blog online at <a href="http://compactingmamas.blogspot.com"> http://compactingmamas.blogspot.com</a>, and I&#39;ve decided to join the compact.&#160; here are the rules:</p><p>Though every pledge on the Compact is different, there are a few basic rules to follow:</p><p><br />You don&#39;t have to be a mom to join, but many of us are moms. And you don&#39;t have to have a blog to join, but if you want me to link to your blog I will.</p><p>Don&#39;t buy new! If you exempted the purchase in your pledge, then it&#39;s exempt. Outside of that, DON&#39;T BUY NEW. There are natural exemptions to this rule including consumables like food and personal care items as well as health and safety items.</p><p>Barter, trade, buy used or go without.<br />Once you&#39;ve made your pledge, post it on your blog and the Compacting Mamas blog.<br />Save one of the buttons on the sidebar to your blog&#39;s sidebar and link the button to this blog while providing a link to your pledge beneath the button.<br />Post to this blog at least monthly to share your experiences, challenges, thoughts and revelations on compacting.<br />If, for whatever reason, you didn&#39;t keep your compact, fess up here. Use the &quot;OOPS!&quot; button. Remember, we&#39;re here to support one another through all the aspects of compacting.<br /><a href="http://compactingmamas.blogspot.com"><img src="http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a35/ashetonslady/2months.jpg" /><br /></a></p><p><br />My Pledge:</p> For at least the next two months, I pledge to buy nothing NEW. This does not include &quot;new to me&quot; items. Merely going shopping for the sake of going shopping.<br /><br /> I am doing this to help the environment by lowering the demand for new things to be made, as well as lowering the amount of waste created by my household. I am also doing this to help my children and myself to learn to differentiate between what we want and what we truly need. And to be completely satisfied with what we already own, instead of going out and buying new things because we&#39;re bored with what we have.<br /><br /> To avert the &quot;I wants&quot; I plan to avoid shopping websites, and stores like Target, and the mall. I will limit my shopping at WalMart to buying groceries, if I can not manage to bring myself to shop at the grocery store down the road. When I go out, I will leave my check card at home, to avoid any temptation to go shopping. I will talk to my husband about our spending habits, so as to have him help keep me on track.<p></p><p> Ok... my exemption are:</p> <em><strong>Shoes</strong></em>- I will not buy used shoes, it&#39;s just icky. They never fit quite right, and they&#39;re uncomfortable as all get out.<br /><br /> <strong><em>Underwear</em></strong>- I know I&#39;m gonna need new bras soon, just gotta get the money to get them.<br /><br /> <strong><em>A Wii or a PS3</em></strong>- I know, I know, I know that that&#39;s a horrible thing to exempt, but it&#39;s one of those things we were planning on getting w/ the taxes, and it got put aside. I should be getting money soon, so we can get it.<br /><br /> <strong><em>Necessities</em></strong>- Things like cleaning supplies, and a soaking jar for my moon pads. I really need the soaking jar.<br /><br /> Things that I will <strong><u>NOT</u></strong> buy:<br /><br /> <strong><em>Toys</em></strong>- The kids have a ton and a half toys, and do NOT need any more. And before I even THINK of buying more for them, I&#39;m going to go through what we have and get rid of a bunch.<br /><br /> <strong><em>Clothes</em></strong>- I *REALLY* don&#39;t need any more. I have two bedrooms FULL of clothes that need washing before I even pretend to need more.<br /><br /> <strong><em>Jewelry</em></strong>- Any jewelry I *want* I can probably make for myself. I will exempt a butterfly necklace, as I&#39;ve been looking for one for months.<br /><br /> <strong><em>Hair Stuff</em></strong>- Puh-LEEZE, I *really* don&#39;t need more clips/barrettes, or frills for my hair. I *might* need elastics, but not the frills. And I can probably make do without the elastics.<br /><br /> <strong><em>Cosmetics</em></strong>- unless I run out, which I shouldn&#39;t for a good long while<br /><br /> <strong><em>Junk food</em></strong>- THIS one&#39;s gonna be tough. I have a serious junk food addiction.<br /><br /> <strong><em>Fast Food</em></strong>- unless we&#39;re not home, and have no other option, and if we eat fast food, we will choose the healthiest possible options.<br /><br /><p><em></p><p> I will edit this more as I think of more.</p><p><strong><em><u> I forgot to say that I&#39;ll be starting on 1 May.</u></em></strong> </em></p>
        
    
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    <entry>
        <title>past couple days, nothing huge</title>
    
    
    
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                <id>tag:vox.com,2008-03-19:asset-6a00cd96fe57874cd500e398e74c380005</id>
        <published>2008-03-19T01:23:47Z</published>
        <updated>2008-03-19T01:23:47Z</updated>
    
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            <name>Black Rose</name>
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            <p>&#160;
<div class="ljcut">
<p><span style="font-size: medium">Ok, is it just me, or do I seem to write in here only when I’m waiting for one sort of doctor or another? :-o Today, I’m in the waiting room at the VA for Pa. He’s having a colonoscopy done today. His second one, because they found a polyp that they couldn’t excise the last time he was in. <span style="font-family: wingdings">L</span> Not good. They don’t think it’s cancerous, but ya never know, right?</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium">Later today, I have an appt w/ Dermatology. Fun fun fun Hey, at least I’m finally getting into the Derm clinic. I’ve been trying since we got up here to get in there. I need to get in and see someone about the cystic acne on my face and back. So, today should be relatively painless and quick. :D</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium">Ashe is supposed to go out w/ ***HIM*** tonite. They’ll go to the Point as usual. :D Sounds like a good time. I’m staying home, because I’ve had vertigo the past few days. I’m doing okay at the moment, but I’m not taking chances. I do NOT want to have the world start spinning when I least expect it. JUST what I need to do, throw up all over the place, although, I haven’t felt nauseated with the vertigo. Just dizzy and fuzzy headed. NOT fun. Ashe is worried that it could be my heart doing it. Mom says it’s possible, too. But, it could also just be I’m going through withdrawals from the caffeine.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium">Sitting here in the waiting room, I’m being subjected to Jerry Springer. UGH!!! “Kung Fu Hillbilly” Goddess save me, please? I doubt it. What in the name of all things holy did I do to deserve being tortured by this?? I can’t STOP myself from watching this. Ugh. Crack TV? I guess. <span style="font-family: wingdings">J</span> Dad Southard would just be SCREAMING at the TV about now, I’m sure. They’re parodying Native Americans, badly. Ugh</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium">I’m tired, I wanna sleep. I didn’t get to sleep until sometime after 2 this morning, Ashe woke me up when he got home at 4, and I got woke up by my alarm at 7:30. Round about 4 ½ hrs sleep. I’ve made do on fewer, tho. I’ll go to bed early-ish tonite, I guess. </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium">Was reading back over some of what I wrote last Thursday (?) and remembered I have to go down and talk to GG about setting up an appt w/ Gardella sometimes soon so she can have her bitch fit over the fact I won’t take the injections anymore. I am not sorry, I can *NOT* handle the emotional side-effects to the injections. I can’t take being borderline suicidal for two or three weeks out of the month. NOT an option, know what I mean? It’s bad enough when I’m suicidal on my own, I don’t need a treatment for the endometriosis triggering suicidal feelings because I just wanna die to make it all stop.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium">I told Wendy about this when I was in there last week. She agrees with me that my being suicidal with the meds is a good reason to stop taking them. I just don’t like the emotional rollercoaster the injections put me on. It’s not worth the little bit of help I was getting from them. Hell, they weren’t even stopping my period the way they were supposed to. Hello? Wasn’t that the whole point of going ON the damn treatment? To stop my period so to stop the pain that accompanies my periods? So what’s the point of continuing the treatment if it’s not doing what it was supposed to?? There IS no point! Which IS my point. LOL Get the POINT? ROFLMAO</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium">So, now we’re back to relying on the IUD for birth control. Fun fun fun At least I trust it. Hell, I’m tempted to have the damn thing removed, because I honestly don’t think I can conceive again. I think I’m infertile now. Hell, I’ve lost one fallopian tube, one ovary (on the same side, thank the Goddess). But, I honestly don’t think I can get pregnant again. <span style="font-family: wingdings">L</span> I want another one, but the chances of that happening get slimmer and slimmer every day. <span style="font-family: wingdings">L</span> </span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium">March 17, 2008, 3:49 PM</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium">Ok, I’m done with my clinic now. I’m being put on an anti-biotic for the cystic acne and folliculitis. If the oral antibiotics take care of the problem when I return in two months, then we’ll start me on an antibiotic lotion.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium">We’re currently driving around to head for home, because we need to get Pa some food. Poor man hasn’t eaten since sometimes (noon, I think) on Saturday. So, he’s starving! He hasn’t had any coffee or Pepsi since then either. So he’s dying for something to eat or drink.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium">Ashe can’t believe that I can type and ride at the same time, but I can’t read and drive. It’s funny. I don’t know how it’s different, but it is.</p>Shortly after we dropped Pa off for his &quot;procedure&quot; I headed out to get this stupid heart monitor I have to wear for the next two weeks.&#160; 24/7 for the next two weeks.&#160; Fun fun fun fun fun!<br /></span></p></p></div>
<p>&#160;</p>
<div class="ljcut">
<p><span style="font-size: medium">Ok, so I don’t just write in here when I’m waiting for the doctor. Today, we’re at Kiana Lodge waiting for Ashe to have his all employee meeting that happens every three months. Yay. The only upshot to that is, A) I’m not at home with the parents, and B) **HE** might be at this one. They have the choice of the 1:30, an 8:00am or a 5:30 one this evening. So, there’s a chance that **he** might be at this one. IDK if they talked about what time they were going to last night, but… meh, I can hope, right? But, anyways, I’m sitting here with my computer and blog while Bubba watches Scooby Doo 2 on the van’s dvd player. <span style="font-family: wingdings">J</span> Happy Bubba. LOL</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium">ROFL He’s YELLING at the movie! As if it’s gonna change this time (he’s seen it enough times he can recite some of the scenes and sing the songs on the soundtrack). “I can’t watch this one!” (translation from Bubba speak: “I can’t watch this part”) He’s an adorable little brat. Too cute for his own good sometimes. LOL</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium">As usual, I’m tired. I didn’t get up until about 11:30, tho. Went to bed around midnight, maybe close to 1:00am, fell asleep sometime shortly thereafter. But, still I’m tired. As always. I don’t think I’m ever going to NOT be tired every again.</span></p>
<p><span style="font-size: medium">I just wish Ashe’s meeting would be done and over with already. Part of me wants to see *him* part of me is really hoping we DON’T see him.</span></p></div>
        
    
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    <entry>
        <title>Who am I?</title>
    
    
    
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                <id>tag:vox.com,2008-03-13:asset-6a00cd96fe57874cd500e398e56dd70005</id>
        <published>2008-03-13T03:57:28Z</published>
        <updated>2008-03-13T03:57:28Z</updated>
    
        <author>
            <name>Black Rose</name>
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            <p><strong>Who am I?</strong> 
<hr style="font-size: x-small; COLOR: #ffccff" />

<div id="post_message_639245">I am a wife<br />I am a mother<br />I am a sister<br />I am a friend.<br />I am a survivor<br /><br />I am bipolar<br />I am adhd<br />I am bisexual<br />I am pagan<br /><br />I am woman<br />I am feminine<br />I am sexual<br />I am sensual<br /><br />I am intelligent<br />I am attractive<br />I am sexy<br /><br /><br />I am fat<br />I am annoying<br />I am abusive<br />I am a victim<br /><br /><br />I need love<br />I need friends<br />I need people<br />I need music<br /><br />I need my computer<br />I need my chosen family<br />I need my phone<br /><br />I need sex<br />I need physical contact<br />I need pain<br />I need drama<br /><br />I need to socialize<br />I need to bleed<br /><br />I need time<br />I need SLEEP<br />I need rose scented STUFF<br />I need my husband<br /><br />I need stimulation<br />I need Dr Pepper<br />I need COFFEE<br />I need my children<br />I need an outlet<br />I need my writing</div></p>
        
    
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    <entry>
        <title>ugh...</title>
    
    
    
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                <id>tag:vox.com,2008-03-10:asset-6a00cd96fe57874cd500f48d01cc700001</id>
        <published>2008-03-10T23:00:48Z</published>
        <updated>2008-03-11T01:52:32Z</updated>
    
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            <name>Black Rose</name>
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            <p>I can feel the depression starting to sink in, and I hate it.&#160; I don&#39;t know what triggered it this time, but I wish I did.&#160; Maybe if I could figure out what keeps TRIGGERING the depression, I can make it stop?&#160; I&#39;m afraid that&#39;s just a pipedream, tho.</p>
<p>I&#39;m tired today.&#160; Really TIRED.&#160; I don&#39;t know why I&#39;ve been so tired recently, but it&#39;s a constant &quot;I&#39;m so tired I can barely function&quot; tired.&#160; It goes away, or I can ignore it enough, for short bursts of time so I can feel like a normal human being for a little while occasionally.&#160; No where near often or long enough, though.</p>
<p>&#160;</p>
<p>Maybe someday I&#39;ll be human again.</p>
        
    
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    <entry>
        <title>**HE** was COMING ON TO ME????</title>
    
    
    
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                        <id>tag:vox.com,2008-03-09:asset-6a00cd96fe57874cd500e398e44f0d0004</id>
        <published>2008-03-09T21:42:25Z</published>
        <updated>2008-03-10T11:37:33Z</updated>
    
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            <name>Black Rose</name>
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            <p><strong><span style="color: #660000">Ok, ask anyone who knows me, and they will tell you that I have SERIOUS body image issues.&#160; I tend towards thinking that I am a fat cow.&#160; Seriously.&#160; I consider myself incredibly lucky that the men I have had in my life found me attractive enough to want to be around.&#160; Either that, or they were THAT deperate to get laid.&#160; I tend to think it&#39;s more they were desperate.&#160; Or didn&#39;t know any better (I was the first woman to show much interest in my ex-husband).</span></strong></p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #660000">But, yeah, I honestly think I&#39;m a fat cow.&#160; I&#39;m told that I&#39;m not, that I&#39;m actually VERY pretty (there are about three of you who read me who are familiar with this *thing* with me, as I&#39;ve written about it in other blogs), but I don&#39;t believe it for any length of time.&#160; I sometimes think I&#39;m ok looking, occasionally think I look pretty, once in a great blue moon, I think I look fantastic, but I usually end up seeing a picture of myself at that time and realize, I look really shitty.&#160; Anyway... on to the pictures...</span></strong></p>
<p><strong><span style="color: #660000"></span></strong>&#160;</p>

    
    
    
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<p><strong><span style="color: #660000">So, I have a hard time believing that **HE** was not just HITTING on me, but COMING ON TO ME, and (to put it in the words of a guy friend I was talking to) wanted to take me home and fuck my brains out.&#160; LOL</span></strong></p>
        
    
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    <entry>
        <title>Something to ponder</title>
    
    
    
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                <id>tag:vox.com,2008-03-03:asset-6a00cd96fe57874cd500f48cff49990001</id>
        <published>2008-03-03T02:09:20Z</published>
        <updated>2008-03-05T00:48:55Z</updated>
    
        <author>
            <name>Black Rose</name>
            <uri>http://blackrose78.vox.com/?_c=feed-atom-full</uri>
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            <p>Do you think it is possible to not have an issue with homosexual people in general, going so far as to support gay marriage, but to have SERIOUS issues with someone because of their homosexuality?</p><p>Case in point, my husband has a co-worker that he just can NOT stand, because this man is not just OPENLY gay, but IN YOUR FACE &quot;Don&#39;t hate me because I&#39;m beautiful&quot; skipping around on a casino gaming floor yelling &quot;Fairy dust! Fairy dust!&quot; acting like he&#39;s throwing glitter/dust/whatever at people. This man also wanted to gain a position at the casino where the &quot;uniform&quot; for work is a suit JUST so he could wear a pink shirt/tie/suit jacket (I don&#39;t remember which exactly).</p><p>He&#39;s a nice guy, just WAY out there.</p>
        
    
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    <entry>
        <title>My trip to the hospital on Friday</title>
    
    
    
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                <id>tag:vox.com,2008-03-02:asset-6a00cd96fe57874cd500f48ce046a10003</id>
        <published>2008-03-02T01:39:58Z</published>
        <updated>2008-03-03T01:46:05Z</updated>
    
        <author>
            <name>Black Rose</name>
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            <p>I’m sitting here in the waiting room for my clinic, waiting for the doctor to call me.&#160; I’m bored beyond belief.&#160; LOL&#160; I’m tired, because I stayed up until 1am waiting for Ashe to get home, hoping he’d text or call.&#160; He didn’t, but I texted him. &#160;</p><p>Bubba was crying and upset when I called to tell them all good night last night.&#160; He wanted me home NOW.&#160; :heart breaks: It hurt to hear that.&#160; Mom said she’d deal with it, tho.&#160; Apparently she did, because when I talked to him this morning, he seemed to be doing much better.&#160; But, Daddy was home at that point.&#160; :D&#160; They were getting the big kids ready to go to the bus.&#160; So, all is well in Bubba land.&#160; LOL &#160;</p><p>Ok… appt is over.&#160; Apparently, they can’t do anything for me until I’m no longer on the injections for the endo.&#160; So, I have to wait three months, and they’re setting up an appt for me to have a blood test done, I have to have this stuff injected, to spin up my adrenal glands, and then after an hour, they draw blood to see if I’m producing too much male hormone(s).&#160; Yay for me, huh?&#160; LOL&#160; But, even that can’t really be done all that accurately until I’ve been off the injections for a while.&#160; So, I guess the fact I’d told Aurora that I wasn’t having the injections any more the beginning of this month is a good thing, huh?&#160; J</p><p>The doc said she doesn’t think it’s PCOS, so that’s a good start.&#160; What she DOES suspect, and this scares me silly (but not enough to stop eating sugar!) is that I have, basically a pre-type II diabetes thing, and that I’m showing an insulin resistance, which is part of my weight problem and lack of energy.&#160; I just wanna find out what’s wrong with me so I can get treatment and STOP BEING SO DAMN TIRED ALL THE TIME!!!</p><p>I’m on the ferry right now, and I’m too cheap to pay for my internet access, otherwise I’d just be posting this in my LJ or on Vox or whatnot (ok, all of the above!)</p><p>The weather is beautiful today.&#160; The water looks so pretty and I’m enjoying watching the whitecaps that we’re making as we sail along.&#160; Unfortunately, I’m facing backwards, so I can’t watch it for too long, or I start getting dizzy and nauseas.&#160; The sky is blue, a few white fluffy clouds, BEAUTIFUL view of the mountains with their snow.&#160; Life is good.</p><p>I told Bubba that he needed to get dressed and get his shoes on, because I was on my way home.&#160; When I get home, Ashe and I are going to take the Bubba and go pay on bills.&#160; Bleh&#160; I hate the errands to pay bills.&#160; BORRRRRRRRIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGG!&#160; LOL</p><p>IDK what else to write here for now, so I guess I’m gonna finish this up, save it and post it when I get home.</p> 
        
    
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    <entry>
        <title>OMG, what oes this say about me?  LOL</title>
    
    
    
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                <id>tag:vox.com,2008-02-25:asset-6a00cd96fe57874cd500f48cdea4940003</id>
        <published>2008-02-25T18:58:22Z</published>
        <updated>2008-03-04T21:34:33Z</updated>
    
        <author>
            <name>Black Rose</name>
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            <p>Ok, I was looking at stuff online today, and came across this list of celebs who have come out as being homosexual.&#160; </p>
<p><a href="http://wjz.com/slideshows/gay.celebrities.homosexual.20.228936.html">http://wjz.com/slideshows/gay.celebrities.homosexual.20.228936.html</a></p>
<p>Half of the ones who are close enought o my age for me to have had a crush on, I did.&#160; Neil Patrick Harris, Chad Allen, Danny Pintauro, I crushed on all three of them.</p><p>THEN there are the shockers of Sir Ian MacKellen, BD Wong (from SVU), and George Takei (from Heroes and Star Trek).</p>
<p>What does it say about me that most of my biggest childhood/teenage crushes are gay?</p>
<p>&#160;</p>
<p>There&#39;s also the little thing of I found out that a guy I went to high school with that I had a huge crush on is ALSO gay.&#160; AND A guy that I hooked up with/dated while I was in the Navy got discharged with a &quot;Don&#39;t Ask/Don&#39;t Tell&quot; discharge, and word I got is that he was caught in a &quot;compromising position&quot; (he was on his knees, &#39;nuff said?) while on watch (when he was supposed to be working).</p>
<p>&#160;</p>
<p>Does that just say I have a *thing* for gay men?&#160; LOL</p>
        
    
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    <entry>
        <title>Friday Question</title>
    
    
    
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                <id>tag:vox.com,2008-01-08:asset-6a00cd96fe57874cd500e398d0638c0003</id>
        <published>2008-01-08T21:52:55Z</published>
        <updated>2008-01-08T21:52:55Z</updated>
    
        <author>
            <name>Black Rose</name>
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            <p>Yeah, I know it&#39;s Tuesday, i&#39;m late, Life gets in the way.&#160; Bummer</p>
<p>&#160;</p>
<hr style="font-size: x-small; COLOR: #fdfdf9" />

<p> </p>
<div id="post_message_634177">One hot summer afternoon, while walking through a parking lot at a large shopping center, you notice a dog suffering badly from the heat inside a locked car. What would you do?</div>
        
    
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    <entry>
        <title>Friday Question</title>
    
    
    
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        <published>2008-01-08T21:52:55Z</published>
        <updated>2008-01-08T21:52:55Z</updated>
    
        <author>
            <name>Black Rose</name>
            <uri>http://blackrose78.vox.com/?_c=feed-atom-full</uri>
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            <p>Yeah, I know it&#39;s Tuesday, i&#39;m late, Life gets in the way.&#160; Bummer</p>
<p>&#160;</p>
<hr style="font-size: x-small; COLOR: #fdfdf9" />

<p> </p>
<div id="post_message_634177">One hot summer afternoon, while walking through a parking lot at a large shopping center, you notice a dog suffering badly from the heat inside a locked car. What would you do?</div>
        
    
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